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Jun 1, 2016

My D and C Surgery ( Jan. 07, 2016) and after..

Yesterday I had a D and C ( a dilation and curettage) to remove my miscarriage from my uterus. a misscarriage is quite common in fetuses before 13 weeks, mainly because something genetically was wrong and did not form the fetus right.
I have main come to terms with my miscarriage because if the baby was full term and born there might have been something majorly wrong with it. luckily, I got pregnant quite quick and probably will have no problem getting pregnant again.
I was sedated and had the procedure, woke up and was very crampy and in quite a bit of pain. I also cried because I felt totally empty inside.
I have to wait 2 weeks to fully heal and a month or two to try to TTC ( Try To Conceive) again.
I will blog my journey of trying to conceive and trying to have a full term pregnancy.
Update: 7 months later (06/01/2016)

After my surgery I bled for 2-3 weeks, at the 2 1/2 week mark I was passing full golf ball or bigger sized clots and had pain comparable to giving birth. it was like labor pains. I was trying to be strong and didn't go into the ER or anything because I didn't know what to expect. 

After a few days it subsided and I went into my primary for a check up, she told me I was bleeding too much, and I should of went into the ER the first time I started feeling like that.  
In the clots there was grey matter, which when I looked it up, it was possibly pieces of my baby left inside of me. It hurt to think they didn't get everything out, that's why I opted for a d&c anyways, because I couldn't stand passing my child via toilet and seeing it. 

My ob at the time that did the d and c said it was left over bleeding and oozing from the surgery. Probably trying to save his ass.  I didnt like my ob doctor after that, during my whole pregnancy he was bagering me to lose weight and to eat "Healthy" things. he has done this to me at every fucking appt. It made me stressed out during my pregnancy, besides dealing with extremely bad nausea and vomiting. oh and bad migraines that I had to "ride out".  I couldn't eat, I lost 15 lbs. No meds. were proscribed ever. even after asking 2-3 docs.  I  was misrable. 

I will also say after I lost my child they never called it a baby, it was a fetus or product of conception. They were very cold, I cried and cried and tryed to be soo strong for eveyone but myself, I had to walk by people getting ultrasounds finding out the sex of their baby and I just weeped. I cried after my syrgery and people told me to simply "stop touching my face"  and "you can try again" ,  I believe I have ptsd from this experience. 

it's been 7 months of trying to conceive again and nothing, Nothing has happened. I feel as if I might not be able to conceive ever again. I truely know what it's means to try and fail. I have half given up on ever having children again. We don't have the time or money to try to go to a doctor for these things. I have just given up. 

I'm still dealing with my loss and grief. I break down a lot, and will in july which was my due date. 
when will heartbreak stop!